the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
