That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
