his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
nutella sex= disaster
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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