3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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