I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
