for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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