whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
