Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
