Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
