If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize