we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
