can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
