I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
