just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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