if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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