God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
