i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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