he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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