my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
