We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Are my feet made of real feet?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
