I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
