Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
