An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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