This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
