ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
