I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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