I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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