You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
