so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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