You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
