hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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