it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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