In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
