Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize