she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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