the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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