So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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