Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she looked like the before picture.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
