we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
