I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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