I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
