I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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