Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
