he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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