I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
