I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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