i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
