My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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