That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
3 2 1 whiskey
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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