so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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